I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
