Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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