Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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