You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
