i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
