I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
