I hate all girls vehemently.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
