Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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