There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
