I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
