its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
