Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
