Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
