You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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