If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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