I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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