dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
