I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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