If that was your dad, he is hot
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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