i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
