my soul wont recognize me after tonight
someone owes me an orgasm
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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