OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
