No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
