nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
