Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
