God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
