i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
