I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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