I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
