I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
