someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
