Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
