I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
