I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
