I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My life is pants optional.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
