I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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