I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
