if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
