She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
