return my video game
that's an acceptable place to lick
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
