Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
