you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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