Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
