Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
