There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
