ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
