i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Even my vagina gasped.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
