I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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