she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
