I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
